Yaweh, Yaweh.

I want to start my post of by saying thank you... Thank you for giving me another day to live, another day to grow closer to you. Thank you for allowing me to follow my dreams. Thank you for giving me a healthy family. Thank you for giving me the craziest and most loving friends ever ;) Thank you for giving me two jobs that I truly enjoy. Thank you for your joy. Thank you for allowing me to build from my past. Thank you for your mercy. Thank you for accepting me at my weakest points. Thank you for showing me your path. Thank you for NEVER letting me down. Thank you for everything God.

Throughout this week, I have had many highs and lows. Let's start with school of course. Taking 9 classes is something that still blows my mind. Sometimes I wonder how I do it but then I am reminded that I do not do it, alone. To be quite honest, I do not know how I would do this without God. Let me rephrase this, I do not know how I would have JOY doing this without God.  Daily I am faced with soo much but yet I can hold a smile. I genuinely love what I am doing because I have a vision that is awaiting me at the end of all this (missions). I was able to finish testing this week that allowed me to see patients for the first time who are not my classmates! This was a very exciting moment because I was able to start applying everything I've learned these past 6 months into patient care. From here on out, I will see patients three times a week! So please keep me in your prayers :)

On a good note, I was able to survive yet another week of school!! I try to allow myself to have some me-time outside of school. I decided that I sacrifice sleep in order to have a good time, haha. This weekend I was able to spend time with so many of my loved ones. I need to get away sometimes (mentally) and this consists of being around those who are truly there for me. Thank you so much to everyone who made this weekend worth while. I love you Meagan even though you beat me at air hockey, Jurassic park and basketball. There is something I need to share because it just cracks me up. So for all of you who know Meagan, she is one of the sweetest, kind-hearted people that you will ever meet and she ADORES animals, no matter what type (and I mean ADORES). She had never played Jurassic Park before so we started to play. Here we are in this jeep roaming the safari and this huge dinosaur appears, he is attacking us and it is our mission to shoot him.  All you hear is me yelling, "MEAGAN!! Shoot the dinosaur!!!!!" and Meagan replying, "NOOOOOO, I don't want to shoot him." Hahahaa, little things like that make me enjoy my friends all the stinkin time. 

I also got to spend time with Danette and Mike who just got their first house, congrats!! Who would have ever thought that kicking a bunch of kids out of the jumper would be so difficult lol.  And finishing off that night I was able to see my Auntie and Cousin. We talked about life and relationships. I love being able to get advice from godly women who want the best for me. It truly was great being able to share with them what God is doing in my life.  I also got to see my baby girl who just brightens my life :) and my best friend Carol! I am going to miss them sooo much :'( Then tonight I got to study and pig out with the one and only Feli Fel. Oh what in the world would I do without her. I could honestly write a 3,000+ word blog about how much she means to me. I love you Feli <3 I love ALL of my friends. I am also thankful for Eric and my Mom who continue to support me through this season in my life. I would literally be a mess without them and their guidance!!

Finishing of my post I would like to share a little about what I experienced at church today. For the majority of you who know me, you know that I am usually very happy and positive. I hate to complain even though of course it happens. But lately things have been different. This joy has begun to fade and I found my self in this state of feeling "okay." I am not one to settle for that!! I have been struggling to see why this is, why is it do I feel this way even though I am close to God? I feel somewhat alone. It is hard to match words to my all of my feelings but this is the best way to explain it. Nonetheless, I felt unhappy.  I was confused and wondering what should I do? Well today our sermon was on spiritual warfare. Something that I see the church stray away from because they do not want to "scare" people. Well, wake up call!! It is very real. The devil is out to steal, kill and destroy. Look around, he is doing it. He is breaking apart marriage, relationships, the school system and the list goes one. People are dying inside and becoming depressed, looking for love in all the wrong places. Well it was real to me that I was being oppressed in this spiritual realm around me.  I was not letting go of everything that has torn me apart in the past. I was not surrendering all that I have to God so that he could mend the pieces back together. It hit me and I was just in awe. In awe of his glory. Yaweh, yaweh.. you're love never fails oh God!!! I was being deceived that things were fine and dandy when in reality I was living with my broken past just tucked away deep down so that I did not have to remind myself of the pain.

Well let me tell you people, God delivered me from this. He is AMAZING!! Beyond amazing actually, no word can even describe Him.  I was able to embrace this state of joy; true and pure joy. I just cannot even understand his love and mercy. Why is it that God wants someone so unworthy like me to be in relationship with him?!! Because he is a forgiving Father who will be there even when His children mess up.  Regardless of everything, he is awaiting with arms WIDE open. He wants to walk with me throughout every season of life and guide me, just as a loving Father should. He desires to spend eternity with me,  his child. Thank you God.